Saturday, September 11, 2010

Cape County Carnies Team Roster:

Name:  Colonel Mutt

Position:  Manager

Bio:  Muttcephus Zebulon  McDunough III was born in the spring of 1933 in a rusty claw foot tub somewheres deep in the Ozark hills to the legendary moonshine distiller/runner, Staniel Day Louis McDunough and thirteen time tri-county champion yodeler, Roberta Lee "Weezy" Rogers.  As a youngster, Mutt could often be found hunting woodland varmints in the hollers, giggin' bullfrogs in the ponds, or hoggin' mud cats in small rivers when he wasn't learning the family trade of moonshinin'. But tragedy struck in the summer of his ninth year when his pa's still was raided by a roving renegade band of gypsies hired by the local sheriff leaving him and his eleven brothers homeless orphans. So, at the tender age of nine, Mutt hopped the rails and began his life as a hobo drifting from one shore to the other, all the while seeking vengeance on the band of gypsies that murdered his parents.  He tracked the gypsies down to the outskirts of a small mining town near Laramie, WY where they were found to be harassing a traveling carnival company.  Armed only with his walking stick and a few stones, Mutt slayed the entire band of gypsies.  The carnival folk were so thankful that they begged Muttcephus to join them.  He accepted their request.  It is there that the title of Colonel was bestowed upon him by the carnival owner in honor of his heroic feat of laying to waste the gypsy threat against them and it is there he discovered the art of wiffle ball, which he learned from a blind old Potawatomi Indian named One Who Wiffles.  Mutt was a member of numerous hard luck wiff teams before starting his own compiled of fellow and former carnies. He spends the off season running the controls on either "The Zipper" or "Screamin' Mi-Mi" on the Summer Fair circuit whilst peddling his homemade pomade/stink bait.

Name:  Dill Wiffle

Position:  Catcher

Bio:  Dill Wiffle is the younger brother of player/manager Col. Mutt. Born on a snowy day in a bus station restroom in December of 1939, Dill was the first and the smaller of twin boys. Spending his youth learning and memorizing the complete musical works of both Roscoe Nieldermann (World Famous Master of the Kazoo) and Zamfir (Master of the Pan Flute), Dill eventually gave up his dreams of musical stardom and went to work with Mutt at age 13 working the beer tent and astonishing audiences with his amazing ability take multiple blows to the crotch from anyone from the crowd without even so much as a wince. Known primarily for his explosive power (and his glorious mustache), at the expense of his batting average, Dill has muscled some of Wiffle Ball's most mammoth blasts. Dill plays catcher on most days, usually so he doesn't have to walk too far away from his beer cup and/or flask.

Name: Busch Heavy

Position: Third

Throws:  Right

Bats:  Right

Name:  Busch Light

Position:  First

Throws:  Right

Bats:  Right

Name:  Squatting Pigeon

Position:  Center

Throws:  Right

Bats:  Right

Name:  Ritter

Position:  Utility

Throws:  Right

Bats:  Right

Name:  Meat Plow

Position:  Pitcher

Bio:  Not much is known about the man they call "Meat Plow" prior to joining The Carnies, but legend has it that he once threw a 15 lb stone clear across the Mississippi River. He acts as pitcher when Col. Mutt isn't on the mound and is known to carry a mean stick.  In the off season he is the carnival's version of a physician.  Where he can be seen lancing boils, pulling teeth, or assisting in the birthing of the various carnival livestock.

Name:  Steffie

Position:  Beer Wench

Name:  Kevin

Position:  Inspiration

1 comment:

  1. This new Carnie site has me as stoked as when I nab a drink from a virgin Halsey Taylor that has just rolled off the production line!