Sunday, September 23, 2012

Carnies 2012 Roster

In addition to The Colonel on the roster, we have the following wiffle ball-ists:
Jeremiah "Slim" Ballsy Returning for his second stint with the Carnies, is the barely famous and seldom sober, daredevil extraordinaire, Jeremiah "Slim" Ballsy. As you can tell from the GIF on the left, Slim has total disregard for personal safety and well being. His reputation as a fearless stunt man and general jack-assery made him a prime candidate for the Carnies. If he doesn't kill or seriously maim himself prior to tournament time, he will serve as a key component in the Carnies success.
Reverend Rex Hindquarters Rex was captured in the Amazon jungle by a Kugapakori hunting party. The Kugapakori then traded him to a Brazilian circus where he spent seven years as part of the freak show attraction. It was there he courted and fell in love with Fernanda, the bearded lady. The couple left the South American carnival circuit for the North American in the winter of 1983. It was four years later they met Col. Mutt's company. The Colonel instantly recognized Rex's potential as a wiffle baller. With Rex's long arms and ability to fling poo swiftly and surely he could be trained to benefit the Carnies on the field. If the Colonel can keep him from trying to eat the wiffle balls and from constantly sniffing his fingers after removing them from his undergarments he is sure to fair well.
Weasel E. Lee Weasel was called up from the Carnies' Triple A affiliate, The Butler County Bastards, earlier this year after long time Carnies' catcher, Dill Wiffle, suffered a season ending injury after attempting to hand-feed his pet snapping turtle hot fries. Lee has worked several seasons as the carnival's g-top(A private club, generally under a tent, where staff drink and/or gamble)owner. He also is the show's Geronimo — A "death dive" act, jumping from a great height, a "sponge plunge", into an impossibly small amount of water.
Ritterlin Ritterlin makes his second appearance with The Carnies this year. When he's not putting wiffle balls over the fence, he can be found at the show running the sledge gang and picking fights with the lot lice. Not only is he known for his mean wiff skills, but also for his fourteen time state championships in toilet seat horseshoe comps.

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